TRUSTING GOD IN THE DARK

Our apartment was on the third floor which meant lots of walking up and down stairs. Our neighbor on the first floor would sometimes open the door when she heard us coming. 

There was no sneaking past the neighbors. Ha!!

She was a beautiful middle-aged woman with red hair which she wore in a typical sixties’ bouffant. She lived with her elderly mother, and we often chatted about the day, what was going on in the world and God.

I had recently come to know the LORD and was bursting with excitement about all the things I was learning about my new faith and how God was answering prayers. 

I loved my church and would go every time the doors were open. Sunday mornings I went to Sunday School, then worship. On Sunday nights we went back to church for more teaching, praise and worship. Wednesday nights were Pioneer Girls and prayer meetings. On Friday nights we had youth group called Hi-Lites. Indeed, it was the “Hi-Lite” of my week!!! While many of my friends from school talked about drinking parties and hang overs on the weekends, I was with my youth group playing games, learning about God’s word, making friends and having a blast. 

Deep down I could see there was something missing in their lives and they looked for it in the wrong places!! 

While we chatted on street corners waiting to catch the bus to go home after school, I would share how God meets our deepest needs for meaning, purpose, forgiveness and love. 

When those needs are met, there is no need for alcohol or drugs to dull the senses or artificially create a fragile sense of joy that has no roots in truth. 

I shared my stories with my neighbor. She loved hearing them.

I wish I could remember all the answered prayers. There were so many. God affirmed His word in the life of this new believer and was encouraging me in my newfound faith. 

Do you all remember those days when our faith was fresh and new? How exciting it was to know God and walk with Him!!

Until one day when the pieces of the puzzle did not fit. I will never forget that day. 

Like usual, I was on my way home from school when she opened the door. 

She looked at me with hopeful eyes, and said, “Bobbie would you pray for me and ask God to heal me?” What I had neglected to say is that she had polio as a child. Her legs were crooked, and for her entire life she walked with a walker. She asked me to pray for her.

Oh, how I wanted God to heal her. And I believed with all my heart, He could!

I prayed hard!!!

I waited for days and there was no healing. It was the first time since I had come to know the LORD that God did not answer my prayer, nor did He do what I felt was right and good.

I wrestled with God and came to Him with my questions. “LORD, You can heal her!!! Your word shows us You can. Why won’t You?!!” 

I don’t remember a specific answer, but what I do remember is that I was learning for the first time that His ways are not my ways. He is much bigger than I am. 

And He has the final word.

Like my mother, I can make my requests, but the final decision was hers. Because there was no doubt of her love, it was easy to trust her. Not that I always liked it, but I knew she wanted what was best for me. In the same way, I sensed the LORD saying, “You need to learn to trust Me. You will not always understand My ways, but you can trust who I am!!!” 

This was an important step in my growing faith. 

Will I trust God even though I don’t understand what He does?! Will I let God show me who He is and reconstruct my image of Him according to His word as He teaches me??

So, what did I tell my neighbor?

I told her what God was teaching me. That God loves us!!!!  

And even though we don’t always understand what He does, we can trust who He is!!

Dark nights of the soul are scary. But I have seen that God often takes us into the dark night to give us a greater glimpse of the Light!!

Hugs ‘n blessings.